Archive for October, 2010

Grand mom and Me!

I have always preferred the company of those elder to me. Not that I don’t gel nicely with youngsters but more often than not it’s the elder brigade I ll be found hanging with. And that includes the ‘oldies’.The world today talks of generation gap and how it has spread up in our society.I don’t deny its existence but I haven’t faced or rather felt its existence ever in my life.In my opinion, it’s mis-communication rather than communication, ego clashes rather than clashes of thoughts that exist.Generation gap is simply a manifestation of impatience and intolerance.we do not have time today to listen to anything apart from what profits us and tolerate anybody challenging the boundaries of our egos.
My grandmom is coming to Delhi-my home (all my uncles and aunts live in various parts of the country,so she visits each of the places at least once a year) and oh no! it’s not the Baghban type scene out here, all her children and grand-children want her to spend time with them so she needs to judiciously divide it between us.And so i passionately await her arrival.Although her stay in Delhi means i need to take out time from my jam-packed schedule to listen to her stories (they include stories of her childhood, my father’s childhood, my childhood which I have listened for a hundred times now.Also the new ones as in-who said what, who did what,on her latest trips plus the anxiety of me growing up and marriage etc.(I am still not 20!) and not to forget the stories of tv soaps that she watches religiously).But still I love her.I lie down in her lap and feel her soft protruding tummy, touch her hand, the skin has lost its elasticity with age, comb her golden-white hair.I just love to be around her.
There are times when she says things that irritates me like my marriage or my getting up late on a sunday morning but it never puts me off. (not that I am trying to prove that I am a super-human) but coz of the fact that I love her and loving means respecting her principles and thoughts as much as I do mine.And then there is nothing left to argue or prove my point.
when she gets too hysterical at times and is not ready to see the changes of modernity, i simply hug her and say “aap wo sab chodiye and ye bataiye uss XYZ serial mein aaj kya hua”? and she like an innocent child forgets what she was saying and then another round of stories begins!
What I want to express is that with love and tolerance all problems can be solved by us. Generation gap is just one of them!

And she won, finally….

Sitting here, beside my dear friend I am taken into a flashback. Memories unwind. I remember the time she first told me about herself, about her life. She was the only daughter born in one of the middle class family. The world may have moved on , and we may have become open-minded but evil does remain. Girls are still frowned upon as if it was their mistake that God sent them to this world. She was born in one of those ‘all-male’ families, who knew men and wanted men only. And due to some complications her mother couldn’t bore another child.A ‘mistake’ that she and her daughter had to suffer for.

But hers was a different story, different from cinderella or snow-white tales. she was fed well, wore good clothes, was sent to a well-known public school. everything about her was similar to a ‘normal’ well-brought up girl. even her mother loved her.That was the only love she received. that’s it! she was not loved enough, respected and cared for enough. Her father , uncles and all males of that ‘all-male’ family still frowned upon her. Stoned her with words that left her self-respect and confidence bruised and tittered into pieces.. so much so that now in her teens she was a shy,timid girl. Who sat in the corner most desk of the class, absorbed in books. While other girls talked about fashion and boyfriends, she sat there ignited by the desire to prove herself to her father, her uncles and whole of the male dominated society she was a part of. She had never known of fathers love, sat on his lap, listened to the stories. All she knew were curses and glances of hatred whenever she passed by her side. Her mother did all she could, but poor lady was herself helpless and ill-treated.

I had never seen those male-members of her family, but I hated them. Cursed them. And secretly prayed that somehow something would happen and she will be able to shun that world of hers and vanish to a place where she would be free and loved for who she was. a girl.A girl with a heart of gold and a soul so pure.But  she was more realistic and always shrugged me off by saying “my life is real, it’s not a fairy tale or a movie-it wont change.

However, evil can never lodge for long. God is great. He sees and he does miracles too. Good has to win over bad.And it happened! She was offered a scholarship to study abroad. How she and her mother convinced to let her go is another story but she was finally leaving today.

A sob startled me. It broke my reverie and I came back to reality. Here she sat besides me, my dear friend for the last time.She was crying. They were tears of parting mixed with freedom. I hugged her and smiled. She smiled back saying “your prayers paid off, I will miss you”.  I choked and just managed to say ” I hope you never come back here”. As we parted, I looked up to the sky and thanked my God. Goodness had won.Evil was left there, defeated.

They say victory has a thousand fathers, but defeat is an orphan. But like I said ‘hers was a different story’. Here ‘victory had no fathers and defeat was left childless’.

PS – Its been two years since she left. I dedicate my Diwali to her.May she continue to shine with all brightness over all evils that surrounded her life.

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7-Tips to combat deadly ‘depression’ !

Depression is a common disorder in this developing era of ours. Each one of us suffers from depression at some point of their life. so it should not really be a concern for us. Right?

The concern is not depression.However, the figures that are getting attached to it surely are. Do u know that depression is the world’s most common disorder affecting more than 340 million people in the world today? do u also know the fact that The World Health Organisation (WHO) has predicted that by2020, depression will be the second biggest health problem world-wide and leading cause of disability and death world-wide, second only to heart disease?

these and many more figures are alarming.!

Depression basically is a syndrome that reflects the sadness or grief beyond a certain level. That is to say , when grief exceeds the normal levels and duration it happens to be referred to as depression. Now the 1st thing we need to understand is that depression is different from stress. Stress is the inappropriateness of living beings to respond normally to physical or mental threats.Which means that stress is actually a manifestation of depression , chronic or maybe acute stress can lead to depression in some cases. (read some , not all).

As far as the chronic cases are concerned, more often than not a professionally qualified doctor is required to cure it with the help of therapies and medications but we can of course tackle the minor ones without popping those pills too!

so here are my (self tested and tried)  7-tips to combat depression:

1) NOTHING IS FOREVER and CHANGE IS CONSTANT – This seems to be two different things (may appear to depress an already depressed soul too) but ‘believing’ them is the first step to get the hold on yourself back!

2) PLAY WITH KIDS – when I suffered from depression, my 7-year-old brother came to my rescue. Believe me, children are the best ‘anti-depressant’ drugs. Around these little angels I bet you wont have a dull moment.

Kids are the best 'anti-depressant' drugs!

 

3) SELF HELP BOOKS – Depression brings in isolation in almost all cases, so books being man’s best ‘inanimate’ friends surely do help.

Chicken soup series is a popular and highly-read self help books.

 

4) KEEPING A JOURNAL- This is one of my personal favourite and ‘quick help’ tip! When you write you not just vent out your emotions but give way to positive emotions, its like give and take phenomenon. Plus, this journal acts as a motivation to let go many small things afterwards. coz you know you have been through harder times and this is just a similar phase.

Write to Vent out your feelings.

 

5) DANCING/COOKING/EMBROIDERY – Any thing that gives you a sense of worth and respect for your own self  is a big yes!

6) RECEIVE LOVE- Stop isolating yourself!  Give your inner self the love it deserves and desires. It could be heading out to a spa or cutting yourself a slice a your favourite cake or mom’s lap..just go for it!

7) LASTLY, WALKING – when you are sitting around and nothing seems to work, STOP THE ANALYSIS and start walking down to the ice-cream shop or your neighbourhood park.

DENY THE DESIRE TO DEPRESS YOURSELF 🙂 good luck!

[ Images- Google image search]

HERE I COME !!!

For hours, days and months,

I kept hoping that you’ll come,

But never came that awaited hour,

never were my hopes fulfilled.

Each and every days was a promise,

that I will get you back today,

each and every night,

a dark lonely soul crushed for having been failed.

Mere words can’t express,

the damage that you did,

a soul so hurt,

a friendship crushed and killed.

But know that I am stopping it all now and here,

I don’t know how to begin again,

tired I am and probably don’t care.

Soon I will be picking up the pieces,

the ones that don’t hurt,

and little by little I will join them together,

slowly they will have the power to heal.

Heal my broken trust,

heal my empty soul,

heal my suffering self-respect,

and then I will be back on it again,

ready to let go.

Moving on to better relations,

smiling and making the world smile,

appreciating all the beauty that lies in the world,

and letting it touch my inner soul.

Today is the end of a broken bond,

and fondly I bury it up,

because its only when we close a door behind us,

that a new door, a new life,

that awaits us – WELCOMES US.

 

SO HERE I COME…HERE I COME !!!

( Image courtesy – Google image search )

BEING ME …..

As I woke up in the middle of the night,

a strange voice caught my sight,

the voice was soft,seeping through the door,

still it pierced my heart deep down to the core.

It spoke about what lay within me,

appearances are deceptive,

staying true to your own self is the key“.

I wished to feel pretty,

I desired to feel loved,

I wished I could sometimes,

be in a world where I stood high and above.

But wishes may be countless,

and creating dreams may be free,

life has greater purposes,

and there is only one chance to be me.

“Being pretty is not what counts” she said,

“neither being above all is greatness,

it’s the unsaid acts of kindness,

that make you feel blessed“.

I pledged then and there,

to seek goodness everywhere,

I will treat others the way i want to be treated,

I will smile nad make everyone’s elses day better,

I will stand on my morals and ways,

and in the end….

I will be there for my own self always 🙂

The voice of our soul….

the 'me' timeThere is a strange calmness, the one that encourages you to ponder over life and its purposes. as i sit besides the window resting my legs on a chair in front, my eyelashes hug each other and i take a deep breath. the ongoing conversation in my mind gets a little louder. its a random, abstract thought right now…images flash over and out and suddenly disappear all at once a cool breeze softly touches my face. my lips curve slightly to instruct the mind to hold on for a while their seemingly heated up conversation.

I have long realised it now that there is this very deep but faint voice that lifts up from our souls, it guides perfectly even when we are at crossroads. this inner voice is never judgemental neither bias nor partial, it tells the truth as it is or better still stirs in more wisdom to give an almost perfect solution.

people may have written a lot about the fact that it takes tremendous willpower to be true to your own self but in my opinion a greater challenge is understanding to what your inner self is saying in the first place.

we are running behind materialistic aspects and loved to defined my relations around us, never paying heed to the relation between our own soul and self. we are so afraid to sit alone, so afraid to take a break, to retrospect our pasts. we prefer to live inside shells which are actually broken ones, slowly peircing to destroy it completely.

suddenly my phone rings, the voice inside my instructs me not to pick it up, i still open my eyes. the conversation and realisation are lost now.i move my hands to pick up the call but just then i stop, almost by reflex. i put my legs up again and let the voice take over me once more. i have honoured it. it feels good!

 

( Image courtesy – Google image search )

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